Today, it’s the first advent. The official beginning of Christmas time here in Germany. Normally, there would be Christmas lights all over the places and also the famous Christmas market would be open now.
After living two years in Canada I was so excited to visit the German Christmas markets again, drink mulled wine and eat all the delicious treats.
But yeah, COVID happened. So, no Christmas markets.
It is what it is, right?
The Christmas Grinch
To be honest with you, the last … well, 5 years (?) … I didn’t like Christmas. I couldn’t bare all the Christmas songs about the most wonderful time of the year and I despised the “spread the love!”-vibes.
I was the picture-perfect grumpy grinch.
The main reason for my grinch-me was that the last years my family situation was complicated and emotionally very exhausting.
The Christmas days were a nerve wrecking and draining time for me. After all that drama and emotional chaos I mostly needed three days of isolation to rest and recharge.
That’s why I hated this time.
Because I knew my family and me would be together. And it would take all my energy and inner strength to get through it.
And because of three days of family drama-rollercoaster, I started to dislike the whole season.
The Christmas Miracle
But this year, I felt a change. I felt that something in me started to change. A sneaky little feeling pushed through: Joy
I’m feeling joy again for the Christmas time!
I couldn’t wait for the first advent.
I couldn’t wait to listen to the first Christmas songs on the radio.
I couldn’t wait to watch the first Christmas movie, like “love actually”.
This movie isn’t only one of my favourite movies of all time (it’s perfection, admit it), but it’s a wonderful movie to remind you of the important things in life:
LOVE
If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.
David, Prime Minister, Love Actually
I mean, most Christmas movies are about love.
And it’s beautiful to be reminded of that at the end of the year. Especially after this year and the drama we’ve been living in. The constant questions, doubts, fears, and uncertainties are exhausting! I know …
This year has been fucking draining, hasn’t it?
But as cliché as it my sound, the Christmas time should remind you about the people you love. And even though we might not be able to celebrate it like we want to, we should be grateful for everyone in our life who we can spend time with.
Thinking about people I love, I’m feeling grateful.
I’m feeling loved knowing that there are so many amazing people in my life that make it better every day and who help me endure this weird situation for a little bit longer.
And the movie “love actually” captures so many different kinds of love: the first one, the second one, the unrequited one, the impossible one, and so many more.
It’s a fantastic movie to feel your inside go all fuzzy and warm, and be reminded that there’s nothing more important than love in life.
The Missing Mistletoe
Watching “love actually” and seeing all these different forms of love, I’m also recognising what’s still missing in my life.
I love my family even though they sometimes exhaust me, drive me crazy, or hurt me with their stubborn and closed-minded perspectives.
I love my friends who are spread all over the world and who are all so different, weird, loving, and great.
But there’s still one love still missing in my life. The one I share with a partner. I had the unrequited ones. I had the crushes. I had the ones when someone fell in love with me, but I couldn’t feel the same.
Please, don’t assume that I’m feeling lonely and that I’m feeling like a failure because I haven’t had a relationship even though I’m going to turn 30 next year.
No, that’s not it.
I’m just wondering how it would be, you know? How it would feel to love someone and see the same love reflected back? Knowing that this man loves me as much as I love him and that he wants to share a life with me.
How would we celebrate Christmas time? Would we be out and drink a lot of mulled wine?
I don’t know, but I’m wondering when someone special will stand under my mistletoe.
Time will tell, I guess?
The Joy of Christmas
Until then I’m going to enjoy Christmas time with my friends, family, and myself.
Because I love to watch the sparkling lights in the night while I walk through the streets.
Because I love to taste mulled wine and Christmas treats.
Because I love feeling the joy and Christmas spirit all around.
So, my friend, go out there today. Have yourself a wonderful time, be grateful, and feel the love.
If it isn’t the time to feel super cheesy right now, then when?
Be cheesy and spread the love,
Jule
Jule Jessenberger 
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